So, I've gotten actual praise for my last article, namely by Matt Crowley, and the equally-bald organizer of our meetings, Paul Case. That looks promising, in terms of me becoming a writer. But now, what little confidence I had is waning. Apparently, I just don't have the discipline to keep up.
Right now, I feel as though there were a hole burning through my stomach, as Lou Ryan has just berated me for being lazy. I'm even confused at the last point he brought up: I was supposed to pay the Sprint bill yesterday, and he told me to call my credit card company to make sure there was enough money in our account to pay part of the bill.
` However, as my phone had just been disconnected from not paying the bill, I couldn't call the credit card company. So, I had to wait until Lou came home so that I could use his phone, which was still connected. But, the first thing that came out of his mouth when he came home was that the Sprint network was down and that nobody with a Sprint phone could make calls.
` I pointed this out to him while he was berating me this morning, and then he said that the fact that the Sprint network was down was no excuse because I could have called the credit card company before it went down. Uh, no, I couldn't, because my phone was already disconnected! Even so, now I feel guilty for "being lazy and waiting for no reason" even though that's not what happened.
In addition, I also feel terrible for not taking care of the massive, stinking pile of dishes in the kitchen, despite the fact that I filled the dish drainer with clean dishes no less than three times yesterday. How that doesn't seem to have made a dent in them is a mystery to me.
` I also feel bad for not picking up the sopping wet garbage that's been blowing about the yard because some people don't know how to tie a garbage bag shut. (Good thing I'm the only one who takes out the kitchen garbage!) To tell the truth, I was trying to wait until it stopped raining, but it's still going, so that plan has doubly-backfired.
I can't wait to get rid of two of my roommates. Just the other day, after buying a package of Mint Newman-O's at Grocery Outlet, I let each of them have one, got distracted and left the package on the counter, and when I got back, it was empty! Like, really? Really? And when I bought a package of blueberry bread, I got only two slices out of it before it was gone. Really?
` And today, I'm also going to clean the roommates's bathrooms. I would ask Brianade to do it, but he keeps 'disappearing' to spend time with his family or dog-sitting. Today he isn't even supposed to be gone, but he is, and the smell from the upstairs bathroom is just driving me crazy!
I bet you're wondering, what does this have to do with being a writer? Well, I'm not being very productive in that department, either. And why not? Well, just the other day Lou was telling me not to make my whole life about accomplishing things every moment and give myself time to "play". So, for a couple of days after my last blog post, I gave myself some time in which to do things other than what I absolutely need to.
` Imagine my surprise when, today, he berates me for not working on my writing career, much less getting a job. Like, really? Well, I did have some things to do, such as make sure one of my moles isn't made of cancer and check my masses of email and other unread communications -- because I've put those things off for so long!
` I've also started up practicing my electric piano (with headphones, of course!), in order to prevent my musical abilities from deteriorating -- it's very difficult to remember my compositions because it's been years since I've tried! (Mostly because of crazy roommates and unacceptable living conditions.) What, am I just supposed to give that part of my life up for good? I thought that since I have a short break between classes that it would be a good time to start up again!
` Not to mention, whenever the roommate below my office starts blasting his music and I move my laptop out to the living room, who starts up a conversation with me? Often it's Lou, and when I tell him to let me get back to my writing, he may or may not do so! And then, as soon as I get him out of my hair, I'm often interrupted again immediately afterwards!
Therefore, I'm a lazy, incompetent, worthless human being who will never put in enough effort to become a writer. Worst of all is the way I'm rambling on, trying to deceive everyone into thinking that I'm not! Oh, but I'm so busy, so how can I possibly be lazy?! These are all such GOOD reasons why I'm not trying to become a writer! The truth is, I'm just not trying enough!
` Now excuse me while I go on some errands. Lou says I have to go right now instead of wait until it's time for me to do my own errands, because life's not all not about me, so by the time I get myself all the way back home, I might have just enough time to fold the laundry that Lou left for me on the couch, not to mention pick up all that garbage strewn around our yard, before I have to leave again to go on my own errands, and I literally won't be back from my last appointment until about six in the evening, which is when karate class starts, and then after that, around 7:30, I'm going to again try to make a dent in the dishes and then going to clean the roommates' bathrooms because -- despite the fact that one of them is an OCD germophobe -- they are too lazy to do it themselves/not around!
` Oh, and then I'll finally get around to working on a post that's appropriate for this blog. You know, writing career and all.
Update: I'm back home and have folded the laundry. However, since it's pissing outside and I don't have any rain gear, I'm not picking up the garbage -- I don't have the time to dry my shoes out and all.
` And as for Lou, he's apologized for yelling at me this morning -- maybe he was too hard on me? I don't know. In any case, he's really stressed out and working hard to get his own projects taken care of, especially since a lot of people owe us money. Even NBC Peacock productions hasn't paid us our $50 apiece!
` Among the worst offenders, Gold's Gym hasn't paid the advertising bill for four months, and when Random asked them about it, the guy in charge of this stuff was like "Did you invoice it?" Uh, yeah, for the past four months! Did you not think you had to pay money for putting commercials on the air?
` Even worse, for some reason, some asshole got them to pay him to buy advertising spots on the internet instead of Random's company, after Lou sold them on the deal, and this guy is charging more money than Random was going to! And get this -- they're still paying that guy! And he stole Lou's sale!
` Anyway, I can't think right now or type coherently because the roommate directly downstairs from my office is blasting his goddamned music. I have to get some food in me anyway, then get out the door. Later.
Later Update: It's only 5:20 and I've already gotten through my appointment early (because I showed up 45 minutes early, somehow), and have already picked up the garbage strewn about in the yard, with the help of Lou and my downstairs roommate! And, even though I was in a puddle, I was able to de-mud my boots to the point that I could wear them instead of my poor shoes, so I have suffered no foot/shoe soakedness!
` By the time that Lou used a piece of baseboard with nails sticking out of it to pop two of the garbage bags that had filled with water (because they're under the drainage pipe), that was enough to make us want to vomit, so we decided we'd done enough.
Yes, sometimes, things turn out so much better than I'd anticipated!
Even Later Update: It's now after three in the morning! After karate I went to the gym to lift weight with Brian(ade) and stop at the store, so we didn't return until after nine o'clock. I did start on one of my posts, but then later I wound up helping someone else with a project until now, and I am officially going to bed!
` Sometimes, that's just the way it goes.