Tuesday, December 18, 2012

Hypnotizing one's way out of a traffic ticket, and other shenanigans

My friend Rob, who has written such articles as Are you starring in your own Zombie apocalypse? , now has a short e-book for those who want to know how to get on the traffic cop's good side. Yes, it does involve hypnosis, but no, it's not as dramatic as what he is known best for.
` Speaking of which, we were recently at an open mike comedy show, on the day that both marijuana and marriage were made legal for any (adult) citizen of Washington, so there was plenty of comedic material. Even so, Rob warned, his biggest shot at making this audience laugh would involve hypnotizing them into it.

Yes, he decided to challenge himself to earning some respect as a hypnotist in this crowd, rather than just some guy who says he's a hypnotist. Although he hadn't slept the night before, and nearly every person who looked particularly prone to hypnosis had just left in a large crowd, he was determined to show them something.
` Most of the rest of the audience were stoned and/or comedians, unfortunately, the latter preferring to watch from an arm's length rather than subjecting themselves to an experience. In the back, however, was one girl who looked like a better subject.
` For posterity, I took some video of what ensued, and Rob uploaded a short clip of it onto YouTube. As you can see, she said that she had not successfully been hypnotized before, yet Rob seemingly had no problem (even though he was talking faster than he usually does).
` Although she kept trying to break out of 'trance', he had no problem directing her back in -- at which the audience collectively made small sounds of astonishment. Or so I assume. What do you think?

Unbeknownst to me, whilst recording this video, a certain comedian (whose birthday was that day) kept nodding into a 'trance' while Rob was hypnotizing this girl. Hence, the comedy night organizer said (farther along in my video): "You know what would be fantastic right now? Could you hypnotize Rumberg so that he can't get enough cock?"
` To which Rob replied, "I already have," which is a type of hypnotic suggestion in itself.

Even so, I thought that Rumberg was joking when he abruptly declared, "I want cock!" and then looked as though horrified into a loss of words. It turns out he was serious -- and infuriated to the point of hurling insults and even a plastic cup full of water in our direction.

Yes, really. (Too bad I didn't get that last part on video, although to be fair, we didn't expect it.) Judging from this experience, it should be no surprise to learn that attempting to hypnotize a police officer so blatantly would have even more disastrous results.

Indeed, subtlety is the key:

In Rob's short manual, he explains that law enforcement officers are trained to put themselves into a certain adrenaline-charged mode. As such, they respond in fairly predictable ways and have certain expectations that one can work with.
` Out of curiosity, Rob showed this book to a Seattle Metropolitan police officer, who said this method would probably work on most cops, save for the ones who aren't so nice.
` As the co-editor of this Kindle "book", I could tell you more, but would prefer that you pay the 99 cents to download The Little Black Book on How to Beat Traffic Tickets With Hypnosis. At the very least, it would give Rob an undeservedly small amount of support. How undeservedly small?

Another hypnotist (Vince Lynch) just happens to be the first person to have purchased this download, really because he knows just how awesome Rob's hypnosis abilities are. In fact, he wrote to me in an email:
Yeah, I fully understand that robert is quietly one of the best hypnotists in the world. but unfortunately I don't have control over who's valued and who's not.
That's why I need your advice
Yes, the email was about whether or not I can use my magic blogger powers to help him attract more attention to his own website. Let's just say, if I had such powers, then I'd already be a famous writer and Rob would have so many clients that he could afford to live in one of those little houses by the beach.*
` About the only superpowers that I have, however, are nootropics, and they work best when I am healthy. Which I have not been for at least a week, and am only getting worse. At least, after having taken all four (!) of my cats to the vet today, I discovered that they are not only healthy but very well-behaved.

Let us hope that I recover from whatever this illness is quickly enough so that I can continue enjoying and employing the smart drugs in my life. I also hope that tomorrow I will be able to drag myself to a demonstration by yet another hypnotist (Keith Livingston). Not only does that promise to be fun, but someone else I know is supposed to be there as well.

I also hope that a certain skeptic's (Evan Bernstein's) daughter (Rachel), recovers quickly from the sprained wrist she sustained last night doing martial arts. Illness and injury are two of my least favorite impediments in life, as one cannot merely leave them in one place and escape to another.

So, I'm going to do the only thing I can and recover from this infernal coughing, sneezing, aching, etc. and probably won't be back until I'm feeling more alert than I do now -- which is barely.

* There's just something about living with the danger of tsunami that attracts him to beach houses.

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